Don't chase Happiness ... become 'Anti-Fragile'

“I do not believe things always happen for the best, but I believe we can make the best of what happens”.

Tal Ben-Shahar - Author of ‘Happier no Matter What’

YouTube - Don’t chase happiness. Become antifragile - Tal Ben-Shahar

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e-or_D-qNqM)

There is a false understanding or expectation that a happy life involves being happy all the time.

No - learning to accept (or even embrace) painful emotions is an important part of a happy life.

Antifragility is a concept that was introduced my Nassim Taleb

It is essentially ‘Resiliance 2.0’.

‘Resilience 1.0’ is when we put pressure on a system, and when we lift that pressure the system bounces back to how it was.

It reverts back to it's original form.

Antifragilitly takes that idea a step further - you put pressure on a system and it actually grows bigger and stronger because it 'learns' and

Anti-Fragile systems exist all around us ….. and actually within us.

For example our muscular system. When we go to the gym and lift weights we are putting pressure on our muscles. What happens as a result is that we actually grow stronger. So we are an anti-fragile system.

On the psychological level it is called PTG - Post Traumatic Growth.

It is the opposite of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) which is about breaking down.

Rather it is about how we grow as a result of the pressure of stress that is applied to us. Anti-Fragility.

The role of the 'science of happiness' is the teach us what conditions we can put in place to increase the likelihood of growing from hardship.

The Paradox of Happiness

There is a paradox when it comes to pursuing happiness.

On one hand, we know that happiness is a good thing, wether in and of itself, or as a mean towards other ends.

At the same time, we also know from research by Iris Moss and others, that people that say to themselves “happiness is important to me - so I am going to pursue happiness” .... then those individuals actually end up being less happy.

In fact they are more likely to experience depression.

So the paradox is that on one hand, that happiness is clearly a good thing, but that valuing it as a good thing is problematic.

So what do we do ??

The way that we resolved this paradox is that we pursue happiness indirectly.

The SPIRE Model. An acronym that stands for.

S - Spiritual Wellbeing

P - Physical Wellbeing

I - Intellectual Wellbeing

R- Relational Wellbeing

E - Emotional Wellbeing

Spiritual Wellbeing

Spirituality is about finding a sense of meaning and purpose in life, at work and at home.

If you wake up in the morning with a purpose you are more likely to overcome barriers.

Physical Wellbeing

When it comes to physical wellbeing, the most important idea to look at is stress - the 'Silent Killer'.

In the United States more than half of employees do not use up their vacation time, and of those that do, close to half are still tethered to their work while on vacation.

The problem is not with the stress itself - but the lack of recovery.

Intellectual Wellbeing

There is research that shows that people who are curious, who ask questions are not just happier - but they also live longer.

Another important element is not just asking questions, but to also be deeply engaging with material. It can be text, a work of art, even nature.

Relational Wellbeing

Relational Wellbeing is very important.

The number one predictor of happiness is quality time with people we care about, and who care about us.

It turns out that the number one condition that we can put in place to increase the likelihood of Anti-Fragility, of growing through hardship, is the quality of our relationships.

Emotional Wellbeing

Finally - Emotional Wellbeing.

So, embracing painful emotions is critical - but how do we cultivate pleasurable ones ?

Specifically the emotion of gratitude.

Cicero wrote about Gratitude being the mother of all virtues.

When we appreciate all the good that we have in our life, then by extension we have more of it.

So happiness is more than just pleasure. Happiness is about 'wholebeing'.

These five elements combined together create happiness.

There is not a point at which one switches from unhappy to happy (or back again), rather happiness resides on a continuum.

It is a lifelong journey.

.... and knowing that, we can have realistic rather than unrealistic expectation of what is possible in our lives .... and where the sources of our happiness ultimately reside.